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            雨楓軒原創文學網 - 純凈的綠色文學家園 !

            雨楓軒

            那年的夢想

            時間:2013-04-20來源:網友提供 作者:張小嫻 點擊:

             

            那年的夢想(在線閱讀)  

            愛到無法無天的時候

              《CHANNEL A》這部小說,是從一九九九年三月《AMY》創刊號開始,在雜志上每期連載的。小說的形式看似短篇,讀者看下去,卻會發現它是一個長篇故事,每個故事的人物是相連的。


              這部小說有別於我其他的小說,它更貼近現實一點;也許,因此會更赤裸一點。與小說同步推出的,還有電子書和小說網站。《面包樹出走了》在今年七月出版時,把第一章率先制成電子版,放在網路上,引來了許多回響。這一次, 《CHANNELA》將會有更多內容放在網路上。當你看完小說,你還可以進入www.channel-a.com.hk,你會發現,小說裏的人物和故事在網路上出現,你更可以參與故事的創作。


              每一次,一個新的形式總是給我新的刺激和靈感。小說網站是完全嶄新的東西,我既誠惶誠恐,也興奮莫名。我從來沒有想過,我的小說能夠藉著科技幻化成一個虛擬的世界,有聲音和影像,平面的人物都變成立體的,他們真正從我的小說出走了,繼續成長,也有了自己的生命和氣息。


              寫這部小說的時候,想寫的是女孩子在這個城市裏所經歷的情愛。這些故事,都是曾經發生在我們身邊,甚至是我們自己身上的,當中有甜蜜,也有苦澀。我們的步伐常常是如此匆促,有時候會錯過許多美好的東西。我們如許孤獨,有時候,又會做了錯誤的決定。唯一不猶豫的時刻,是哪裏有愛情,我們就會義無反顧地向那個方向奔跑,把身上的一切都拋到腦後。


              在旅途上,我讀了魯易斯(C.S.Lewis)的《四種愛》 ,這本書使我深深的震撼,也在我最傷心的時候撫慰了我的心靈。書裏有這一段文字:

              “如果人一任愛成為他生活的最高主宰,恨的種子就會發芽滋長。然後它就會成為神,然後它就會成為魔。」

              在情愛裏,我們都曾經膨脹為神,以為自己無所不能,最後,我們卻也淪落成魔,無法自拔。

              《CHANNELA》里的主角,有一些也曾經膨脹為神,然後淪落成魔。他們無可選擇地讓愛成為生活的主宰,最後唯有活在恨裹。而我,卻升上了天使的寶座,俯視這群蒼生。


              魯易斯在書的另一章說:「當愛變得無法無天的時候,它不但會去傷害別人,還會摧毀自己。」

             

              《CHANNELA》里,似乎每一個人都是愛得無法無天的。他們摧毀了別人的同時,也摧毀了自己。是否我也曾相信,無法無天的愛才是愛?即使有得救,我們也寧愿沒得救。


              在校對這部小說的時候,我開始同情小說裏的主角,他們也許愛得毫無法度,卻是掏盡所有的。我想寫的,是人對愛的追尋。我仍然相信,愛是不會消逝的。有一天,它能夠勝過恨。當你深深地愛著一個人,你是寧愿永不相見也不寧愿他一輩子恨你。


              我們對自己無法無天,面對自己所愛的人,卻是戰戰兢兢的。我們甚至愿意用雙倍的溺愛讓對方永享自由。這樣子的愛,是永不會淪落的。

              張小閑

              二OOO年十月十六日

            [NextPage第1章1]

            第1章 

            --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

              凌晨時分,夏心桔在電臺直播室裏主持ChannelA。這幾天以來,她覺得特別的傷感。每個人生命中都會有這些時刻吧?連帶今晚的月光也帶著幾分清冷。

              「如果有一個機會讓你回到過去,你會回到哪一年?」

              今天晚上,她想和聽眾玩一個心理測驗。離家的時候,她隨手把一本很久以前買的心理測驗扔進皮包里。現在,她翻開其中一頁,看到這個問題。

              “二十四歲。」她回答自己。

              回到人生某個時刻,是因為當時有放不下的東西。

              二十四歲的時候,她剛剛從大學畢業了兩年。那一年,她和孟承熙熱戀。她在電臺當實習生,薪水微薄,僅僅足夠養活自己。孟承熙在一家建筑師行里當助手,收入也比她好不了多少。她的青梅竹馬好朋友孫懷真也正在談戀愛。那個男人名叫邱清智,在機場的控制塔工作。四個年輕人剛剛開始在社會上奮斗。


              是她向孫懷真提議四個人搬出來一起住的。這樣既可以和男朋友住在一起,也可以四個人分擔租金。做美術設計的孫懷真,愛下廚,做的菜好吃,又很會打理家務。

              這么一位室友,最適合怕下廚和怕做家務的她。四個人就這樣說好了。

              她和孫懷真在九龍太子道找到一所五百多尺的小房子。這所房子有二十二年的歷史了,雖然老了一點,但是,附近的環境很清靜,除了一個客廳和兩個房間之外,還有個平臺。四個人可以坐在平臺上吃早餐。只有兩個人的話,絕對負擔不起這種好地方。


              搬家的那天很熱鬧。孫懷真選了對著山那邊的房間。她選了可以望到街上的房間。對著山的話,到了晚上,看出去便像黑夜的海那么漆黑。她喜歡看到夜街上的燈和對面房子的光。


              邱清智帶來了一支吉他,原來他念書時曾經有好幾年在樂器行里教授吉他來幫補學費。那天晚上,他們搬家忙了一整天,地上的箱子還沒有收拾。邱清智彈起吉他來,他們四個人就在那裏一起唱歌。她靠著孟承熙,孫懷真靠著邱清智,唱的是《That'sWhatFriendSAre For》 。


              四個人都在家的日子,孫懷真和孟承熙會負責下廚。孟承熙也愛做菜,他做的鴨肉湯面,吃得他們三個人如癡如醉。每次做這個面,他要用新鮮的鴨,面條要用新鮮的闊面。那一鍋煮面的湯也不能掉以輕心,必須用鴨骨和好幾種材料熬上半天。每當孟承熙在廚房裹專心一意地做這個面的時候,她便好想吻他。男人下廚為心愛的女人烹調食物,舉手投足,有如君臨天下,控制全局。他搓揉食物的一雙巧手卻又溫柔而感性,那是他最性感的時候。

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