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            雨楓軒原創文學網 - 純凈的綠色文學家園 !

            雨楓軒

            我的父親

            時間:2019-06-17來源:網友提供 作者:馬未都 點擊:
            我的父親

             
              父親口吃,時重時輕,關鍵看什么人在場。按母親的話說,他生怕生人不知道他是個結巴。言外之意,父親在生人面前,第一次開口,先表明自己的弱項,而且總是夸大這一毛病。
             
              小時候聽過父親作報告,我站在禮堂門口聽了一個多小時,也沒見他結巴一句,好生奇怪地回了家。后來在電視上看見有明星介紹自己,平時結巴,一演戲就口若懸河,我深信不疑。
             
            掛花誰都掛過
             
              我的老家在膠東半島的頂端,是一個狹長的間歇半島,叫鏌铘島。父親十幾歲的時候,就從鏌铘島走出來當了兵,參加革命。因為有點文化,他一直做思想政治工作,從指導員、教導員干到政委。
             
              父親曾對我說,他們一同出來當兵的有39個人,中華人民共和國成立那年,就剩一個半了——他一個全乎人,還有一個負傷致殘的。
             
              父親開朗,在我小時候,他給我的印象永遠是笑呵呵的,說起戰爭的殘酷,都以輕松的口吻敘述,從不渲染。
             
              他告訴我,他和日本人拼過刺刀。一瞬間要和一個素昧平生的人決一生死,其殘酷可想而知。他臉上有疤,戰爭時期留下的,你問他,他就會說,掛花誰都掛過,軍人嘛,活下來就是幸福。
             
              我在父親的身上學到的是堅強與樂觀,一輩子受用。
             
            給兒讓臥鋪
             
              我雖是長子,但在小時候,還是有些怕父親。那時的家長,對孩子動粗是家常便飯,軍隊大院里很流行這種風氣。我看電視劇《激情燃燒的歲月》中石光榮打孩子,覺得很真實,還有點兒幸災樂禍。
             
              小時候,家中沒什么可玩的,沒玩具,也沒游戲機、電視什么的,男孩子稍大一點都是滿院子撒野。一到吃飯的時候,就能聽見各家大人呼喚孩子吃飯的叫聲。父親叫我的名字,總要加一個“小”字,“小未都、小未都”地一直叫到我二十多歲,也不管有沒有生人在場。
             
              戰爭中走過來的軍人,對孩子的愛是粗線條的,深藏不露。我甚至不記得父親摟過我、親過我。那時,軍人忌諱兒女情長,隨時都要扛槍上戰場呢。我15歲那年,父親第一次帶我回老家。他在路上對我說,多年沒回老家,很想親人,看看他爹他娘,弟弟妹妹不能都帶上,帶上我就夠了。那次經歷讓我感到長子的不同。
             
              路上,火車很慢,按規定,他可以報銷臥鋪票,我得自費。那年月,沒人會自費買臥鋪票,不管多苦,忍一下就過去了,我和父親就一張臥鋪,他讓我先睡,他在我身邊湊合著。我15歲就長到成人的個兒,睡著了也不老實,加上當時旅途勞累,躺下就一覺睡到天亮,睜開眼時,看見父親坐在鋪邊上,瞧樣子就知他一宿沒睡。
             
              我有些內疚,父親安慰我說,他小時候,他的祖父還每天背著他渡海去讀書呢。
             
            拔掉所有管子
             
              父親晚年不幸罹患癌癥,72歲就去世了。父親病重的日子,他曾把我單獨叫到床前,告訴我,他不想治療,每一分鐘都特別難受,被癌細胞侵蝕的滋味,不僅僅是疼,難受得說不清道不明。他說:“人總要走完一生,看著你們都成家了,我就放心了,再治療下去,我也不會好起來,還會連累所有人。”
             
              父親經過戰爭,穿越槍林彈雨,幸存于世。他對我說過,曾有一發炮彈,落在他眼前的一位戰友身上,戰友犧牲了,他活著,如果他死了就不會有我。所以,每個人活在世間,說起來都是極偶然的事。
             
              癌癥最不客氣,也沒規律,趕上了就得認真對待。過得去這關就屬命大,過不去也屬正常。
             
              父親說:“拔掉所有的管子吧,這是我的決定。”
             
              我含淚咨詢主治醫生,治療下去是否會有奇跡發生?
             
              醫生給我的答案是“沒有”。
             
              1998年12月9日晚上,在拔掉維持生命的輸液管四天后,父親與世長辭,留給我的是無盡的痛。
             
              父親的口吃,終生未獲大的改觀,但他最愿做的事就是教孩子們如何克服口吃。我年少的時候,常看見他耐心地向我口吃的同學傳授經驗。他說:“口吃怕快,說話慢些,拖個長音就可解決。”一次,我看見他在一群孩子中間,手指燈泡認真地教學:“燈——泡,開——關。”其樂融融。
             
              父親走了十幾年,我什么時候想起他,什么時候悵然。很多時候,我還會夢見他。我一個人獨坐窗前思念父親,他的耿直、幽默、達觀等等優秀品質均不具體,能想起又倍感親切的卻是父親的毛病——口吃。倒是這時,痛苦的回憶讓我啞然失笑。
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