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            雨楓軒原創文學網 - 純凈的綠色文學家園 !

            雨楓軒

            九絕或者哀歌(紀實長詩)

            時間:2019-05-25來源:網友提供 作者:湯養宗 點擊:
            九絕或者哀歌(紀實長詩)
            ——謹以此詩獻給母親
             
             
            (一)母親的病房
             
            27床不住著母親,27床是個生下嬰孩就患病
            的少婦,她的病也許早就欠那孩子
            吃藥,喂奶;灰色,紅色;我帶母親進來后
            就感到這地方不對,這是個
            神秘地帶;仿佛我作為一個兒子
            已經不夠,發現大地對于母親們有太多危險
             
            28床不住著母親,28床開頭是個姑娘,接著
            來了個剛從婚姻上敗下陣的女士。前一個
            一天可以吃進五碗面條,讓人感到巨大的
            進取心,感到有什么還沒有開始
            后一個有時哭有時笑,身上明顯
            有東西多出來。是的,她正在等待一次手術
             
            30床是我想象出來的,它并不在這間病房
            但它一定就在周圍,我找不到它
            卻對此保留懸念;也許這張床并不用于
            病人,但它一定有許多變數
            我的猜測給我帶來恍惚,難道還有
            別的什么需要擺設?這讓我心跳
             
            29床才是母親的。你是老來得病
            你不得這樣那樣的怪病,但你患下了
            我不能告訴你的病;醫生安慰我說∶
            “一個人到了最后,總要被一種病
            帶走。”我聽了很悲痛,也生疑
            難道她們得了病都正常,我母親反而應該?!
             
             
            (二)“我感到到處都在疼,但不知疼在哪里”
             
            “我感到到處都在疼,但不知疼在哪里”
            母親,我知道你疼在哪里,但我知道
            你一定說不出疼的位置;你說不出
             
            為什么會這樣疼痛∶你往左躺疼
            往右躺也疼;坐著疼,站起來還是疼。
            仿佛你過去的不疼都是假的,今天
             
            它們一下子都來了;一下子
            要滿出來;一個啞吧在你身體里
            終于說話;你成了一座疼痛的倉庫
             
            我的母親不知道自己疼在哪里。它很深
            我用手伸近時就走開。它很模糊
            模糊得令這具身體是問題而不是身體
             
            母親,我的手已經摸不到你疼的位置
            我現在的手不知道是二十歲還是四十歲的
            但你終于疼了,象一棵樹終于長出了果實
             
            是所有的母親,都注定說不出自己疼痛的
            位置?它的左與右,深與淺;我母親
            的疼,太多;它,它們,已變得有點零亂
             
            母親的疼一直在走動著,這令我的手
            無處安放;是什么在她身體中奔跑呢
            藍色的?紅色的?還是去年對我的一次囑咐?
             
             
            (三)在母親病房,有人向我祝賀生日
             
            在母親的病房,有人通過手機向我祝賀生日
            可我的母親這一刻正躺在臨死的病床
            這個生我的人,五天后終于撒手人間
             
            在母親的病房,有人通過手機向我祝賀生日
            一個四十多歲的兒子,正對著八十歲的母親
            偷偷哭泣,他哭泣今天遇上了這個日子
             
            在母親的病房,我被提醒今天是生日
            一個面容酷似母親的人對于自己的容顏
            突然有了為難,有了深深的觸犯
             
            生我的人,你把什么藏在了左手與右手之間
            我是你生出來的仇敵,我威脅你
            追趕你。這追趕,從我懂事后就開始
             
            我是有歡樂的,我已積攢下四十多年的歡樂
            我一直在增加,你卻一年年在減少
            我是用歡樂在追趕你靠近死亡的日期
             
            在我生日的時候,我的母親要死了
            她曾經在這個世界上把我生下來
            她曾經指望我,快快成長
             
            在我生日的時候,我的母親就要死了
            這當中,有一個誰不容我商量、爭辯、轉移
            這個生我的人就要死在生我的日子里……
             
             
            (四)“快來揉揉我,再過幾天你就沒有母親啦”
             
            “快來揉揉我,再過幾天
            你就沒有母親啦……”
            哦,母親,血一樣言語的母親……
             
            我揉著你的腳板,這我不能放棄的腳板
            它在變小,變暗,變成不真實
            我再也不想去崇尚什么,它正在
            躲開我走向一條看不見的路
            并對我,構成了最后的不信任
             
            我揉著你的腰身,這已經變成了誰的
            腰身?它曾經象一條甘蔗
            所有的風吹來時,都珍惜它。
            世界把甜水保留的那部分,被什么拿去了
            我不能加鹽,加防腐濟,加香料
             
            我揉著你的胸脯,哦,這陽光的
            故鄉,七歲時我還沒有斷開你的奶水
            在我后來所見過的乳房中它是最美的
            我記得它的形狀,它的香,現在
            病菌在里頭建立了自己的糧倉
             
            我揉著你的前額,這人世與生命的屋頂
            摸著它我快樂,自足。與你的智慧接通
            頂一下
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